dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
