i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
