It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
