i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
