I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
