i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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