we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
