Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
