The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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