Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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