I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
