i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
