I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
