things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i will never coherently bang her
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
