I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
