It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
