oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
