I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
