We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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