My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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