i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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