listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
