Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
