I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
