I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
