I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
