my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
