how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
