well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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