U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
