so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
