i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
