Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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