in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
