I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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