through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
