i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
