remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
