I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
