Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
