yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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