the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and she was petting her beer can
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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