Tell her she can't have a vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
