we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
