Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
