I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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