am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
