i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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