No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
