SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You can't just leave with hair like that
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
