I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
