I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
