He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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